I should be asleep

Lord above knows I am tired but at the moment, I can't really sleep.  There's a lot on my mind and when I finally went to sleep last night, I cried until I drifted off and kept crying because when I woke up my pillow was wet.  I also had some really nasty dreams.

Mind you there was no blood and for once they weren't themed around the latest netflix shows I've been watching which are Call the Midwife and the Walking dead.  But they were still nasty.

I'm not clear on the details this many hours later, but I can say that there was pain in every dream.  Snap crackle and pop weren't the only sounds in my bedroom this morning.  A lot of groaning because my body hurt in places it shouldn't have joined the chorus.

I also spent a copious amount of this morning crying.  I didn't know the human body had this many gallons of salt water in it.  I went to work where I cried.  And I would stop crying for strangely long periods but then I would cry again and then I did something that I'm finding I do way more than I should which is speak out of anger and aim it at the wrong person.  I have already apologized to them but I think I'm just going to start a list.  I;m going to label it "People who deserve multiple apologies"

I managed to ride home with my mom and not cry.  I even managed to be mom for all of ten minutes and not cry and bonus, I even had a conversation on the phone and didn't cry or pick a fight.

But then I sat here and cried.  And cried because I was crying.  Then I got mad that I was crying and I cried some more.  Seriously, there can't be this much salt in a normal human body.  There can't be this much water.  There just can't.

So needless to say that although I'm sitting here yawning on top of yawns (That very surreal moment when you are almost finished with the first yawn and a second yawn sneaks in at the end and you yawn again)  I'm actually afraid to go to bed.  I don't want bad dreams and I don't want to wake up with a wet pillow.

Also, I'm off tomorrow.  Pretty sure I will cry again because what else is sleep for but to apparently replace the water in your body so that you can spend the day repeating the same activity you've been doing for a day and a quarter.

Can I wake up just one day and be a guy?  Just one day.  Scratch wherever I want to, say whatever, act however?  Just one day I'd like to wake up as a guy.

Oh leave me alone, I know I just categorized men into an unflattering light... again...

My eyes are heavy bloggers.  I'm not going to be able to fight not going to bed much longer.  I may or may not blog tomorrow.  It's my day off so I don't imagine too many things will happen that will be blog worthy.  NInety percent sure that I will curl up in bed or get out bed and clean something.

Okay, I give.  I'm going to bed.