I can't say I'm okay

But I can't say that I'm not.

Work is still fun although some parts of it and some days, it actually does feel like work and some days I just dont want to be bothered.  I don't like feeling like that and in the past those tend to be the days when I'm so off my game that something bad happens.  Tonight I made and remade a pizza wrong.  Yep, I made a pizza wrong and then made the remake wrong.  Same pizza, wrong twice.  That has to show you how off my game I was.

Not that tonight was one of those nights where I don't want to be bothered.  Quite the opposite actually.  I sat in the house for I wanna say two days but I got out yesterday AND got to make pizza. (Howie's is like a siren call, I don't go far from it...ever.)  But tonight.  Something just wasn't... there.

It's not car issues.  I could care less about my car.  It's probably more like health issues.  I'm back to feeling broken again but this time, thank God, it's missing a period, it's the freaking period from hell that never goddamn ends.

On week three now.  Weight gain is up to thirteen pounds mostly because I eat chocolate and French fries.  And when I'm not eating chocolate and french fries, I'm craving chocolate and french fries or feeling guilty because I just ate chocolate and french fries.  I need this to end.

On the other hand, while I'm a freaking fountain of... I'm not going to finish that... I'm most decidedly not horney.  The thought of that right now... ew.  And for that reason I can actually look at my latest crush objectively and realize... meh.  Of course all males are meh at the moment.  And I don't mean that in a bad way at all, just an I can leave you because I probably won't take you right now kind of way.  I actually attempted to watch The Borgia's on Netflix tonight and there are mad sex scenes in it.  For the first time in a long time I watched them with a sense of ...well... meh.  A lot of bloody moaning and groaning and men having all the damn fun.

I don't understand the mechanics of it all.  They stick that into us women and go in and out and it's supposed to feel good??  You might laugh and you might say because I've never actually enjoyed sex that I'm overthinking it but I don't get it.  In out in out in out faster in out in out and then done.

Yeah I think it's safe to say at this point that whatever fire had been lit in me a few weeks ago has been doused.  I'm good.

I'm tired and I have a migraine and tonight for maybe the fifteenth time I swore that I will not eat or drink any more chocolate for at least six months.  It doesn't even taste good to me right now.  Of course I've also been eating bakers chocolate so that may have something to do with it.

No more chocolate.  Can't say the same for french fries.  That craving isn't going anywhere.

Well, it might.  It's time for me to see my dr. soon and she did promise me that one more visit with my blood pressure up and she would put me on hypertension meds.  I don't want that and my recent headaches, while generally caused because I can't seem to stem the flow... I'm not going to finish that... might be caused by raised blood pressure.  The nosebleeds are part of that too.

Whine whine whine... I'm done.

If you were waiting for the whine to end, it's right here.

I got my dress for tomorrow.  I love it.  For once I didn't get anything in black or grey, I got it in red.  Yep, I got a color. I need to go to the steakhouse restaurant's website and decide what I want to eat.

Of of the things I think I need to do, I know I need to go lay down.  Whine or no whine, my head is pounding and now there are bright colors intruding in my vision. Nor can the nausea that's creeping up on me.

Stay frosty bloggers.  I'm going to lay down.  Eff this.