Bleach Thanks to Jennifer Beauvais Osorio
Okay, so bleach... evil thing that. It is like the serpent with the apple... of course that would mean that I am comparing myself to Eve and well... okay sure except that if you read the bible that woman had a crap load of kids and it hurt like hell... So no, I'm gonna stick with Dette...
Bleach is the best freaking thing to hit earth since sliced bread but oh so evil... so evil...
When I was a kid I was spoiled as hell. I didn't do laundry. Like at all. The closest I came to doing laundry was going to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer for my mom. I may have helped sort them but considering I kinda a brat, I doubt it. So when I got married, I was kinda clueless to how the whole bleach thing worked.
Husband says that laundry needs to be done. After I finish looking at him like he has five heads and all of them are speaking a foreign, foul language, I decide, what the hell. How hard can it be? Put the money in, put the soap in, put the clothes in, close the lid right?
Oh how wrong we are when we pretend to know what we don't know.
Make a long story short... White navy uniforms that cost upwards fifty to a hundred bucks, your newborn son's dark blue onsies with the oh so cute blue designs, and almost a half a gallon of bleach DO NOT MIX!!! The actually make for one really pissed off husband. They make your mother in law who never wanted you in her family in the first place laugh her fool ass off, but seeing as how the pissed off husband is in a real position to make your life a living hell, I don't recommend mixing the three...
I also do not recommend mixing bleach and a ammonia. Yes the clean your toilets and counters and floors like no one's business and for a closet neat freak like me that's awesome but you know what... Together, I have found that they make mustard gas. No, not that foul smell that comes out of the mustard bottle when it's been closed up for a really long time, actual mustard gas. Bio chemical warfare strength actually.
*Aside here- If it's really that easy to make a bio weapon that can cause everyone who comes in contact to cease to breathe and flop around on the floor like fish out of water and possibly die from over exposure to it, why have we been loosing wars?? I mean a bunch of housewives could very easily wipe out (Cleaning pun) whole countries and there would be no problem.*
So back to topic. I mix them quite regularly. I have actually come up with the right mix so that I don't suffocate myself. Several of my friends wanna thunk me over the head whenever they find out I do it, but I gotta say, seeing my floors clean and my toilets sparkling, I'll deal with the lectures. Totally worth it.
Totally.
Boobs Thanks to Rockngranny Gordley
I don't have a whole bunch to say on boobs. I don't have a whole bunch of boobs. I wish I had a whole bunch of boobs. I have a feeling that guys would like me better if I had a bunch more of boobs.
Boobs are awesome.
Here's the thing. Why do women display their boobs and then get mad when guys look at them? I saw a woman the other day who was showing pretty much everything God gave her save her areolas and nipples. I mean damn. If I was a baby, I would have probably been instantly thirsty upon sight of her. Now keep in mind I was at the casino in Atlantic City. An old guy walked by her and I can swear he walked slower than he did in that moment. His eyes were all in her chest. (And they had the AC on full blast so the rest of the image didn't really need imagination.) She's at the machine next to me and she turns to me in disgust and says, "Ugh! Did you see that? That geezer had his eyes all in my shirt. Some guys have no class no matter how old they get."
Seriously,.. imagine my face here. Imagine the self control it took not for me to have the biggest freaking koolaid grin. Imagine how hard it was for me to not make a remark about her shirt. Seriously, imagine me just shrugging at her. It was hard.
Boobs are great things, really they are. Boobs are the reason that a lot of people are alive today. Of course, in that context, they are referred to as breasts, not boobs. Boobs does not go well with feeding. "Excuse me, I'm going to boobfeed my kid." just doesn't sound right.
Don't get me started on Breastfeeding. I personally like breastfeeding. Besides the fact that it keeps children alive, it gave me a diluted sense that my kids actually needed me for a little while. When they started walking all sense that they needed me for anything was over. My son's first steps were to the fridge which he promptly found a way to pull open and grab one of his sippy cups. Cannot tell you how useless I felt in that moment.
I personally don't see what the big hooplah is over breastfeeding. Okay yes I agree with people say that a certain modicum of discretion is called for. I agree with covering both you and your baby while feeding but not because I'm embarrassed, because I really don't want people staring. People stare. I'm embarrassed if they stare at me anyways so I'm not going to give them an extra excuse to stare. That is my ONLY issue with breatfeeding.
And as Forrest Gump says, "And that's all I have to say about that."
Lastly... Baking Thanks to Elaine Knight
Seriously, I could go on an on forever about baking. Bread, cookies, cakes, you name it, I've probably baked it. Stoves, campfires, light bulbs, I've probably cooked on it all.
Baking is a huge stress relief for me. Eating what I bake, however has become a huge chore.
I have regrettably reached the age where eating what I cook is not fun for me. It's functional. baking/cooking for other people and watching them become nourished by what I created in the kitchen is what fills me with joy. I miss eating my baked goods. I do not miss my pants being a size 26. I just miss eating.
Baking is something comes natural to me. Being in my kitchen comes natural to me. So baking is awesome.
What else can I say about baking. Nope, I think I covered it all with baking is awesome.
So in the spirit of keeping with the oletter of the day... Bye!!
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