So Hmmm...

I think I may be going through one of those manic moments where the need to put the thoughts out of my head may just have reached a crucial point.  I think I have a panic switch in my head and when the thoughts pile up enough to reach that level, a hatch just opens and they come pouring out.

Yes, I had a bad night last night but I have those periodically.  And yes last nights bad episode was triggered by the ex deliberately trying to hurt my big girl by means of scaring her ass off.  Like I said.  It may have just lost me a television, but the fact that my daughter can still cuddle up in her protection of Mommy fighting the monsters for a little longer made it well worth it.

So I've been watching my news feed very closely and I see all the posts that people think are slipping by without anyone noticing.  At least four people on my newsfeed in the past month have changed their status back to single or in a relationship.  One of them made it a point for me to know he was back to single.

Which I honestly don't understand.  If you know I am attracted to you and want to be with you, why make it a point to tell me that you're single just so that you can go back to ignoring me?  Do you know how much that hurts?

I'm tired of being relegated to the friend role.  I don't want to be your friend.  I want to be your girlfriend.  I feel like putting on a tight leather outfit and doing a rendition of Ashlee Simpson's Girlfriend. 

Just once, I think I'd like a man to have the balls to tell me to my face what is it about me that gets me tossed so summarily into the friend category every time.  But no, they make dates with you and don't show up. Or all they want is sex.  Or all they want is for you to do something for them.  Not that all of this is bad.  I would just like some reciprocation. 

I want to issue a challenge.  I want a guy out there who is not too wrapped up in himself pay me attention.  I want a guy to put himself to the side for just one stinking moment and at least try to see what a nice dateable person I am.

Oh who am i kidding?  It will never happen. Le Sigh...