I should go to bed.

But I just can't make myself lay down.  For the past month or so I have had this recurring dream/nightmare that has either kept my brain awake or woken me from a sound sleep.  I shouldn't let it bother me because I know it's not real but the thing is more than a few times when I have dreams so vivid and recurring, parts of them come true.

It's gotten so bad that it's physically manifesting itself on me now.  At least I think that it is.

The thing is, I keep having a nightmare that I get shot in the head.

Yes, you read that right.  I get shot in the head.  Right behind my left ear.

I've had the dream from so many points of view it's almost like watching a crime drama unfold.  At first I thought it was a story trying to manifest itself in my mind but when I tried to write the images I saw and things I heard, I started to shake.  So violently that I nearly fell out of my chair.

When I see it from my POV, I'm in my car driving on Sugar Creek road just before it turns to Browne road. here in Charlotte.  I'm listening to Becky G's Shower and I'm coming around the bend just past Browne's Ferry when I hear a pop followed by the most intense pain I have ever had in my head.  Worse than almost any migraine so far and I have had some whoppers.  And you would think that that would be where my POV ends, but it doesn't.  I'm alive long enough to feel it when my car veers off of the road into a light pole.  First I feel the horrible shake on top of the pain in my head and slowly a crushing feeling that comes up from my legs until it merges with the pain in my head and it all goes dark and then boom, I'm awake.  Usually in a sweat and more than likely shaking.

When I see it from the shooters POV, and yes I have had that unfortunate happening.  He cocks a shot gun and takes aim.  I can hear his heartbeat which is eerily calm until he sees the wreckage and realizes that instead of scaring me like I think was his intent, he's more than likely caused serious injury.  I'm not sure but I don't even think he realizes I'm dead of that he actually hit me.  I never see more than what feels like five minutes.  I have also felt like I was me in his brain and I kept on screaming to stop that he was going to hit me and I was going to die but it doesn't matter.  He takes aim and shoots.

The most heartbreaking POV is the scariest one of all.  I'm nothing.  Floating above it all but yet somehow able to move around and see faces.  And the face I see scares me so bad.

It's John.  And his face just has this look on it that I can only describe and hurt, anger and complete disinterest combined.

A few weeks ago I was making brownies for a coworker and had some an remembered how much his roommate loved my brownies.  I called and he said come by.  I told him I can't because I don't want to see him.  That's what I said.  I should have said what I really wanted to say was that seeing him probably would have made me shit my pants because I had had the dream from the nothing POV and my own by then.  When I went to take bob the brownies, I already knew that John was the shooter.  

Part of me said that I took Bob the brownies hoping to see him to put my fears to rest that he wouldn't look at me with the hate I saw on his face in my dream and I would be okay.  What the rest of me was thinking by going over there I don't know.  Once I sent the text offering Bob the things I couldn't very well renig....

But then he showed up at work.  For reasons I don't care to explain here not that I know all of them but when he walked down the storefronts towards me I froze.  To those that had no clue about my nightmare I just looked shell shocked to see a man that I care/d so much about but I froze because of the look on his face.  It was the same look.  How do you make your body move when you are scared frozen?

I can't do this anymore.  I have a constant migraine that spreads from the exact spot that I get shot at.  I can't even listen to the song Shower anymore because when she gets to "You light me up inside..." For the last three lunch runs on Wednesday, I have started going down David Cox all the way to Olde Statesville and up to Huntersville because I'm afraid to drive that stretch of road.  If I have a delivery that forces me to drive it, I grip the wheel so hard my knuckles turn white and or I speed through there like the devil himself is on my ass.  One day I'm going to get pulled over and if he stops me right there...

It's bullshit.  I'm mad and scared out of my mind in every conceivable way and blogging about it is my last ditch attempt at making it go away.  It fucking sucks that I have no one to talk to that won't look at me like I'm nuts and tell me to grow up or to just let it go.  If it was that easy to let it go, don't they think I would have???  If it was that easy to admit it was a dream and move on doesn't reason say I should have done so by now???  So far I've made myself say out loud that it's a dream.  I have managed not to show that driving that stretch is affecting me that bad.  I've managed to stay talkative and pretend like nothing is wrong but with me getting little to no and broken sleep, I'm pretty sure that my cracking up is imminent.

Have you ever felt like a porcelain doll with a milion crack already on your face and you realize that it's only a matter of time before everything just falls apart?  I've become that doll.  At this point, I'm waiting for everyone else to see the cracks.  That or just waiting for the day when I shatter.

Sit. Worry.  Wait.  Sit.  Worry.  Wait.

Well, the sleeping pills I've take for tonight are starting to kick in.  Maybe I can manage to stay asleep for more than two hours a click this time.

Please God make this go away.  At the risk of never having another original thought in my head again, just make it all stop.  The voices, the images, the vivid dreams.  I would trade it ALL away for five moments of boring sanity.

Just five minutes.

So it's been awhile... I'm not going to do a serious blog right now...

Things I've Learned From My Children

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep. 

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 

3. A 3-year-olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. 

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late. 

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. 

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old. 

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. 

12. Super glue is forever. 

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. 

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. 

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 

22. It will however make cats dizzy. 

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 

24. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful.

I really and sincerely HATE spring...

I'm serious.  I could so live without this season.  And I mean that literally. Every Spring things come back to life and my lungs decide "Welp, that's it!  Better close up shop!" and it take SUPREME effort to get the sumbishes to work even on a half level.

I live in a constant red haze of headaches because I cough so hard when trying to breathe that it causes my head to feel like it's breaking apart.  I really think the violence of my gasps for breath and coughs are really shaking my brain back and forth and hitting my skull but I'm sure there's some technical explanation for why that can't happen.  It just feels like it is.  My throat is sore because it's constantly dry from hacking up pieces of my defunct lungs.  My nose is raw because I'm blowing it because on top of not being able to breathe, I have allergies.  I suck on my inhaler so much that once, when I was sitting at a stop light, I used it like three times in quick succession and a cop pulled me over because he'd been sitting watching the look of calm that I had after each pump.  He thought I was getting high.  He started pumping my inhaler to make sure that it was albuterol and me sitting there watching my life giving meds being pumped away indiscriminately caused to me to go into an asthma attack and he had to call an emt and explain to them why HE was holding my inhaler while I was having an attack...

I get raped by Spring every year.  Every freaking year and all I can do is bend over and take it like a man.

Oh and one more thing I hate in Spring... Baby freaking birds.  Cheep chirp cheep all morning long.  How's a woman supposed to sleep in when they gather at my window like I'm snow freaking white!??  I swear those things perch on my windowsill and chirp just to annoy me.

I'm not a happy camper bloggers.  I love summer because it's hot and I've recently discovered that I kinda rock shorts, I'm cool with Autumn because finally things are beginning to die.  Yes, I am the gnarled old woman dancing in glee as the birds go away, the leaves fall, and the flowers die.  And OMG! I love winter with a passion because I CAN BREATHE!!  It's too cold for anything to live so I have a ball.

But then I get pneumonia like always and end up in bed feeling like I am dying for a week.

But I can breathe!

Dr. Lewis said that If I got Pneumonia one more time she was going to put me on oxygen.  I've had it about six or seven times.  Once you hit five times having pneumonia you really do lose count.  You read my sob story about last Thanksgiving.  Not this one that just passed but the year before that.  Or was it the year before that? I give up.

Sadly Dr. Lewis is no long at Biddlepoint.  I have a new Doctor who is already pissing me off because he won't refill one of my most vital prescriptions.  He's messing around with my trazodone.  Bad Dr.  Bad!  Very, very bad!  I can't fully blame him, he hasn't been informed that Claudette needs sleep to be sane if if Claudette doesn't get sleep and is not sane, people usually end up crying in a corner.  We are not going to impart this last little bit of info to him unless we have to because the very last thing that Claudette needs right now is a 72 hour lock up in a psych ward.

Claudette is going to stop talking about herself in the first person.  Kamri would love that.  I miss Kamri.  A lot.  I wouldn't even make car jokes if she came by to say hi.  I'd just hug her.

Okay, I'm done complaining.  I have to be up for work tomorrow and I am gonna try and keep up with my Qvar so maybe Spring won't ass rape me this year.  Livy expressed concern for me tonight.  She said I sounded like I was suffocating.  I told her I actually am.  Little by little I am  She stamped her foot and told me no, I couldn't suffocate until I was like a hundred years old...I love my kids!

Goodnight bloggers  I love you!

Stay frosty!

Dooooood!

I am super mom hear me roar!!!  NO really I am an awesome mom and for probably maybe the fifth time since having kids I actually believe that.  Really and honestly believe that.

Firstly I didn't get out of bed until like noon today.  I think the clock said 11:43 so I was still technically in the morning but kinda not.  I felt SOOOO good.  I rarely get that much unbroken sleep.  So I'm getting up and I do this thing where I walk around my house.  I don't know when I started doing it but I do it every day.  As soon as I hop out of bed, I walk around my house until I inevitably have to go to the bathroom.  So I did that this morning and thanks to the really big cup of juice I had last night I made it as far as the living room before my body said walk later, pee now.  Anyway, Livy called me and was like can you come over Omi's before work or we can come visit you.  I said I had just gotten out of bed and wasn't dressed yet so somehow that meant come home.  My mom calls me back and says the girls decided that they want to be at home with you before you go to work.  They don't get to spend a lot of time with me now that I've gone to work so it's cool, I get dressed and wait for like an hour because my mom took them back to her house to get their clothes and clean up since they spent Friday and Saturday night over there.  They get back and Livy says nothing about putting her bed together.  Nothing at all.  I let her sit for maybe 45 minutes before I decided, I knew what I was doing since they have the same exact bed and I already put one together, we won't have that wasted time of figuring out what the pictures mean so let's get to it.  I mean wow!  When she saw me coming with the knife to open the boxes, her face lit up like the fourth of July!

Got all the boxes open and started to put pierces where we needed them when the doorbell rings.  Jayden and Mia want Livy to come out but she's like no, we gotta put the bed together.  They want to help.  Then the next door neighbor came over, for the life of me I cannot spell this child's name right so I'm going to just put Bri.  So now I have 5 kids in my house all wanting to help.

I sent them downstairs to play rock band.

Also I remembered that I borrowed Joe's tools and that it had the attachment to go in my drill.  Thinking that would speed things up considerably I prepared to use that when I found the ratchet tool.  Why has no one told me of this wondrous tool before?!?!?  Turn click turn click turn and boom done!! I love it. I love tools.  I love Joe for having said tools.  Joe is my new hero.  So in no time at all I got the ends put together and I called the kids up to help me put the beam across the middle that would hold them together.  Click ratchet, click turn, done!  Put another bar on and realized I have 20 minutes to get dressed, grab lunch and get to work.  Kicked the extra kids out got dressed and boogied out.

Work was work.  Folded boxes.  Took deliveries.  Got out early because I was already in overtime and it was dead.  I reiterate my previous statement about it would be livelier in a cemetery waiting for the dead to wake up. Except I had Josh, Josh and joe together make it an interesting night.  They tend to forget that I'm a girl and certain conversations don't need to be had around me so I get a healthy dose of what's in boys minds.  Throw in Wendy who grew up with boys and lives with her fiance and two boys and it's a freaking laugh riot.  But when Joe said I could go I got cause I had to go to walmart before I continued home to finish the bed.

It took until ten minutes ago to finish the bed get the mattress up and on it and unrolled and the bed made.  12 midnight on the dot we were done.  Livy got up there and declared she wasn't coming down until morning.  I kissed her hand and turned off the light and I'm pretty sure both she and Kayla are out like lights right now.

But the best part was when I was helping them finish the ladder, Livy turns to Kayla and says "We have the best mom on the planet.  She's so cool."  It took all I had to not sit there and cry happy tears.  I mean they say it every now and then but it's usually because I let them stay up to watch a movie or something.  This time it was because  and I quote, "She did the beds before work and now after work when she's tired.  You are so awesome mommy!"

So Livy is now in her first full sized bed.  Up in the air.  She even loves the cheap as hell mattress from Ikea.  That or she was really tired.  Either way, I'll get her a mattress pad later.

Have I mentioned that I can stand under these beds and not have to duck?  I'm five foot six and three quarters but there is an inch of space between the top of my head and the bottom of the part where the mattress goes.

So now I'm sitting here with cookies and milk which I shouldn't be eating but I need them to relax with before bed.  I told the girls that they could get up at 7 which to Kayla means 630 because yeah, the late riser had to have an early bird kid.  It's karma biting me in the face for all the years my mom had to resort to banging on the wall and spraying me with cold water to wake me up I get the kid that is up with the sun and ready to play. Jovaughn's get up on no school day schedule is dictated by his stomach.  If his stomach says time to get up, he's up until he gets food and then he's down again.  Olivia... now that's my child 100%.  If there's no school or no reason to get up, the child stays in bed as long as she possibly can.  This has gone up to 12 hours.  I shit you not, that girl can marathon sleep with the best of them.

So yeah, I'm taking my super mom ass to bed and going to dream good dreams.

Night bloggers!! Stay frosty!!

I wanna call this a week in review

But it won't really be.  My memory is short.  I blame work.  But not really.

So Monday... I worked.  And it was deader than dead.  Like so dead that I'm pretty sure sitting in a cemetery waiting for the dead to rise would have been more exciting.

Tuesday... Uhm... What did I work Tuesday?   Oh yeah, I closed.  My first time closing with Wheels as a shift leader and it was pretty alright.  I had a crapton of late deliveries but by the time I got back from my last one he had pretty much all of my closing duties taken care of in an effort for all of us to get out of there at a reasonable time.  So I had told the girls I wouldn't be home until after 12 but I was home before 1130.  It was nice.

Wednesday.  The first of my long days.  10:30 am to 10:30 pm (which turned out to be like 11:15 because I needed to help clean.  There was no way I could leave Josh with that many dishes.

Thursday.  Oh. My. God.  I got up and prepared for Josh to call/text me because he was supposed to meet me at Ikea and help me bring home both of the girls' beds and help me put them together but due to a serious miscommunication issue, he never got in touch with me.  But I manned up and went to Ikea on my own where I promptly had a slight breakdown.  The beds the girls wanted came in multiple boxes.  Three to be precise.  Each one of those fuckers weighed at least 57 pounds. I couldn't get them on my rolley cart to save my life and tears very quickly got the better of me because let's face it, I'm a girl who can be really temperamental and weak sometimes.  Plus, Ikea employees are harder to find than Wal-mart employees.  It's like playing Where's waldo, only the Ikea version. Finally a worker came over and asked if I needed help.  He actually said, "You look like you could use a little help.  Which boxes do you need?  We'll get them together."  This earned him a watery but grateful smile.  So he and I got all six boxes on the rolley cart and he left me to get the mattress on my own. THis led to another breakdown because I couldn't find the mattress I needed/wanted/ could afford and when I did, I couldn't lift it.  This nice couple took pity and the man put it on my boxes for me.

So I get in line not without some damage to the displays that those idiotic Swedes have sitting RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE self serve warehouse.  I mean seriously, those carts are dangerous in the best of hands and they want to put displays out when I'm in charge of driving one??  Anyway, I get in line behind a couple that's pretty much bought an entire wall of cubby spaces and she's talking about how she's going to sit on her butt and let him put it together.  The couple that helped me with the mattress as well as three other people got behind me.  I get to the register and... IT'S THE WRONG FUCKING MATTRESS.  This one is like a hundred dollars more than the one I need.  I asked her if I could just pull my cart to the side and run to get the new mattress.  I figured if she could be accomodating, I could pretend to be superwoman and not cry. She said no, I had to wheel it around and take it with me because it would be in everyone's way if I left it.  The nice now six people behind me assured her in very loud voices that it would not be in their way if I left it but she didn't budge.  She then changed tactics to it would be put away if I left it.... for five short minutes.  At which point, I am now pissed off and pissed off is not what you want to be when you are already running around Ikea with a very cracked psyche.  Cue the mad as hell tears.  I was comforted by the fact that three of the people behind me including the couple that helped me with the mattress the first time got out of her line and went elsewhere.  I got the correct mattress and went back towards the lines.  Again there was some display damage.

I get in another line and the same cashier who made me pissed off cry in the first place is waving me over saying, I can come back to her.  I not so politely said no.  I probably should have because this cashier look like she was about ten minutes away from the end of her day and she didn't care less what happened.  BUt I got the beds to the tune of $790... (huge dip in my account)  Cue slight breakdown number three or four.  by now I have lost count at my cloudbursts of tears.  I had to figure out how to get all this in my moms car.  Hehe, I did it though.  I got home and thus began getting it upstairs.  I was doing pretty good until I reached Olivia's boxes.  I stopped on the top step thinking tat it was anchored on a step but no... it wasn't.  I watched this box, this 57 lbs box slide down the stairs and out of the door.  I cried until I laughed and then I went and got the damn box.

To try and make a long as hell story shorter, It took me about five to six hours after that to put this thing together.  I have the black and blue marks to show for it and Kay looks up at this bed and says, "I didn't realize it was that high."  I'm 5'6 and I can walk under the bed withut ducking and there's an inch of space over my head.  It's a loft bed.  It was this high in the store when I walked under it.  She saw it then but she had to have the bed.  I very nicely told her that there was no effing way it was getting taken down and returned so she needed to get used to climbing that high and she did.  By the time I returned from Walking dead night, she was tucked up in her bed fast asleep.

I have to do Olivia's bed on monday.

Friday, very little happened.  I could barely move so I filled my big tub with hot water and soaked.  It only marginally helped.  Went to work.

Saturday night.  TOnight... Hmm...  You know I like to pretend that my job can't run without me.  That if I left they would stop for even a moment but they won't.  Just like I like to think that they all like me.  I'm pretty sure that among my co-workers I am loved but every now and then we get a new person that just doesn't mesh.  We just recently picked up a guy that has been a manager before and hopes to be one again.  He was pretty much hired to be a GM one day.

God help the crew that has to work under this SOB.  He's rude and petty.  And more than a little standoffish.  In the past day, I have tried joking with him, but he just looks at me like "little bug, shut up."  Today he was pissed off because people weren't tipping him.  Oh so sad.  He refuses to answer phones and he won't even help customers if no one else can.  At one point, Wheels was helpoing me make pizzas and I was busy putting toppings on.  A customer came in and he just kept on wiping pans out and ignoring her.  In the end Wheels had to stop hat he as doing to go help her. This afternoon, the only people with free hands were he and I.  A customer walked in just as the phone was lighting up.  I asked him, did he want to help the customer or did he want to answer the phone.  HE looked at me with that "little bug go away." look and shrugged and said , "Whatever, I don't care."

Even the customer commented on that.  He said "Wow, that's rude."  If there hadn't been in any customers in the store, I might have gone off on him for that one but I couldn't.  It was bad.  I didn't say a word to him the rest of the night.  Towards the end of his shift,. Wheels asked him if he wanted to take one more delivery and he said straight out, he had no interest in taking that delivery because if one more person stiffed him he might quit.  He doubted he'd even made minimum wage tonight.  HE then wiped out the pizza pans and slammed them all down on the pile.  And I know he saw how they all made me jump. But he was taking his bad mood out on the pans.  By them time he finished the last one I was ready to grab a pan and play pong with his head I was that on edge.

It was pretty cool after than and then I came home.  Very little else to tell.

I know that no one;s job depends on whether or not I like them because in the grand scheme of things, I'm a nobody but this guy... he ... he's just...  no.  I can't do it.  He's a sorry SOB and I honestly pity any crew that end up working under him.  If some twist of fate makes him a rank over me, I will quit.  He will never be my boss.

Okay bloggers, my night med and shoulder meds are kicking in and I've been spelling things all sorts of wrong on his blog.  Thank God for the red squiggly line...

Night bloggers!  I love you!! Stay frosty,,,,,,

!@#($&!@#(

And I mean that title for just the way you think I do.
So my neighbor, whom I really do like since she and her whole family adopted me from almost day two of my living here said to me on Tuesday, "I thinking a party for my friend here at my house.  It's invitation only and I have one for you sitting on my nightstand, I just have to find time to give it to you.  MAtter of fact, when you get off work, just come on by."  What she really meant to say was, "I'm having a get together at my house and IF you manage to get in your driveway before midnight, you sure as hell WON'T be able to get the hell out until sometime Sunday morning in the wee hours that you'll probably be asleep for.  We may or may not be loud as hell and we the men that will as always stand outside of my house WILL fill your trashcan with their empty bottles making your trash company think you have a SERIOUS drinking problem..."

That's what she meant to say.  I'm pretty sure it is because when I got home at a quarter to 10 tonight, I had to play a rousing game of "Am I going to hit this car?  Can I squeeze through? Oh I can, but I'm not going any damn where for the rest of the night."

It's an awesome game.  I get to play it about three times a year.  I have to say though, this is the first time I have had to play it since I got a job and coming off of an eight hour shift made playing it SO MUCH FUN!!

Oh yay, the guys have decided to compare crotch rocket engines!  We're revving them up now... This is going to a fun night.

So how many of you caught all that sarcasm?

Hehe, I got sidetracked with another project... about an hour and a half ago.  It's not a quarter to one... Bad Claudette!  Very bad girl!

Oh well, it kept me from going over and asking my neighbor to keep it down and or move a car or three...  One day, there will be a medical emergency in my cul De Sac and there will be a party and I'm pretty sure about thirty cars will be getting tickets and or towed...

(the more I look at the pictures this new webcam takes, the more I like the cam.  Also, I become just a little more vain each time.)

Alright y'all, I'm going to attempt to do the impossible today and go to church in a few hours so.... I should go to bed.  Goodnight, sleep tight!  I love you all (okay some of you)  Don't let Jack Frost bite ya! (Although if Jack Frost looked anything like they depicted him in Rise of the Guardians, he can bite me... I mean look at that!  Can you just imagine that in real life?  Yes... I KNOW i kinda sound like a pedophile but DOOOOD technically he's like 3000 years old!!)

LOL, I'm done peeps!! Sleep tight!

Stay Frosty!!

Short

So yeah... I wasn't going to include a picture with this blog because I have a major migraine that I am waiting to go away and because I don't or rather didn't like my new camera but now, I'm having second thoughts about it.  Before, I used to have to turn on the super bright light next to my desk to get a good shot. Having a migraine made that one of the most horrible and detestable actions on earth.  This new camera took the picture you see there in almost no light at all...

I kinda feel bad about giving them a less than stellar review on eBay now.

So you might notice I have a bandage on my wrist.  No, I wasn't a bad girl with sharp knives again.  I burned myself yesterday.  I was baking a cake and didn't feel anything at all until HOURS later when my arm started to hurt.  Like really hurt.  I dealt with it all last night mostly because I didn't want to go to the ER and this afternoon, I got up and went to the urgent care in my neighborhood.she kept saying it was a burn and I kept telling her I didn't touch anything hot.  Then she looked at my hoodie and asked if I worked ina  pizza place and did I ever manage the ovens.  I told her yes and that sumbish is 450 degrees so I would know if I had touched something hot yesterday and I was off... She said to me that if I was used to an over that was that hot, my piddly little 350 degrees at home wasn't anything and I probably hit the rack with my arm and never noticed.  As a matter of fact, she added, I could probably curl up inside it at 350 and not feel a thing because of my tolerance...  So she wrapped it up and made it feel better and sent me on my way feeling like a jackass because I didn't recognize a burn.

Is it just me or does that picture make it look like I'm wearing eye makeup???  I'm not vain or anything but that picture looks freaking awesome...

Er uhm...

God I need this migraine to go away.  It's so full blown right now that I can't even sleep it off.  If I laid down right now, I just might cry my head hurts so bad.

What else...

Work is going well.  There are a few things that are staring to get to me but I can't put them here because well.. it would be petty and just wrong to complain.  I mean, I have a job that I mostly enjoy which is more than I had a year and a half ago so why complain.  It won't do me any good.

Love life, still zip.

Sex life, still zip.

I'm trying hard to still say life is awesome but at the moment my migraine and the facts in black and white are kinda making that impossible...

But hey, I woke up this morning.  There's that.

So after two imitrex, my head doesn't feel like Irish Step dancers are doing a clog dance in wooden shoes   on it.  I think I;m going to take my butt to bed.  I have to be at work by 10 tomorrow so I should sleep this off while I can.

Goodnight bloggers!  Stay Frosty.

Just want today to go away...

I don't have these days often but today is just one of those days I would rather end and never be repeated.  Ever.

It was all good until I left for work.  I left as normal and was driving on Old Statesville when this woman in a white car in the next lane suddenly starts coming over on me.  I honked my horn and she corrected but flipped me off as I passed her.  Then I get to W WT Harris and she almost rams into me from behind.  I might add here that she was on the phone.  I opened my door just to see how close she was cause seriously she interrupted an entire lane of traffic swerving to avoid hitting me and I swear on a stack of bibles, I got out, she got out, she began yelling at me something that started with "Bitch!" And then I have no idea what else was said because before I could gather any thoughts that she had just called me a B, she swung and connected with my lower left lip.

What the fuck??? She had better be glad that a trucker climbed out of his cab and broke it up.  He looked me in the eye and told me she didn't damage my car and to get in my car and go before the police got there.  I don't know if they had been called or what but I think he assumed that I was going to kill that woman or go to jail for trying and he may have just saved me from that embarrassing phone call that started with "Hey Joe, I don't think I'm going to make it to work today." And ended with a request for bail money.

Then I get to work and it's all good until my mom calls and says Kayla is still not feeling well.  I love my mom but she made it sound like Kay was dying.  I kept saying just wait till I get home I got off at ten but the vibe I got from her was "You need to be here NOW!!" But I couldn't leave because it was rush.  I asked Ambs if I could please go because I needed to take my child to the El but she basically said no we're  in the middle of rush.

Which would have been totally understandable except for the fact that I WAS TOTALLY UNNEEDED tonight.  I was on the oven but Wheels sent me on break then refused to let me back on the oven so I went to the make line but was told flat out that they didn't need me there either and to go to sheet outs which weren't really needed.  I went up front to answer phones and take orders but no that wasn't needed either since I tried to ask when a customers order would be ready and I got snapped at so I returned to sheeting since we were dead.  I asked once more if I could leave.  I didn't really get an answer but like five minutes later wheels told me to go which I didn't ask questions I just left. 

And OMG trying to get to the ER during the CITY championship is freaking murder.  Half the streets are clogged, the other half are closed and I kid you not, every single light caught me.  What was normally a fifteen minute drive took nearly an hour. 

I'm so tired bloggers.  I just want to go home and go to sleep.  I will try to update tomorrow  (or Sunday since I work 13 hours tomorrow ) and tell how Kay is.

Stay frosty and pray for me.

I'm not crazy, I swear I'm not...

So okay, normally I don't blog in the mornings because, well, honestly you don't want to know the stuff that comes off my brain in the morning hours.  It's rarely nice and even less rarely coherent. BUt today the stars have collided to make me feel as crazy as a compass in a room full of magnets.  Shus, I told you the brain doesn't really work well in the morning.

Yesterday, I was standing at my moms house and I get a call from a 343 prefix which generally means a call from the school but it wasn't 343-5000 which IS the school.  I missed the call and called them back.  I jumped into a recording that said there would be a two hour delay today.  I heard it as did my mom and we both wondered if the snow wasn't supposed to hit until tonight, meaning Wednesday night, why were they issuing a 2 hour delay for Wednesday morning??  

But whatever, I have fought CMS and they have won before so I said fine and continued with my day.  I went and got shelves and made dinner and went to the movies with a friend it was all good.  I even let the girls sleep in this morning because of the supposed 2 hour delay that I still didn't understand but had ceased trying to.

NEvertheless, my eye popped open at seven thirty (Which again today had no arm pain so I was able to sleep that long yay!) and I thought let me see if there's any new snow.

NOpe.  Same half an inch that was there yesterday morning when school opened on time.  Something in my mind said, "You might want to check the Facebook page." And Lo and behold (I don't get that phrase) THEY WERE OPERATING ON A REGULAR SCHEDULE.

So I commented: 

I seem to be the only one in this gargantuan city that got a call saying that there was a 2 hour delay.  The ONLY PERSON.  Out of probably a million phone numbers that they dial, I'm the ONLY one that got a random call talking about a two hour delay.

This ferschnickity school district has me walking around my house mumbling to myself, like a crazy person, saying that I'm not crazy, but feeling like I am.  I DID NOT hear the recording wrong.  I just didn't  I couldn't have.  

I'm not crazy.  I swear I'm not.  

But don't they say that crazy people are always denying that they are crazy?

Oh God what if I'm crazy???

Right now I need Kamri.  When you say you're not crazy at work, she launches into this thing where she says, "Crazy? I was crazy once.  They locked me in a  padded room.  I liked it there.  I died there.  They put three flowers on my grave.  Two went up, one went down.  It tickled me.  I drove me crazy.  Crazy?  I was crazy once..." And it keeps going FOREVER  But oddly I on'y feel better about what was making me crazy in the first place when she does it.  When I do it do myself I just feel crazier.  More crazy?  This is how messed up I am right now, I don't even know my proper grammar.

I think I need more coffee...

Stay frosty Bloggers.  We're supposed to get between 4-6 inches tonight so I'm pretty sure I'll be frosty over here.  I'm also pretty sure Mother nature just blew my kid's spring break away as well...

I'm going to get more coffee...

Well, Sunday STILL thinks it's Saturday...

First thing I should point out is that I am obnoxiously tired right now.  YEs, that's a thing.  I am so tired it's obnoxious to me that I can't lay down.  Right now, I should be able to lay down and probably sleep through a category 10 hurricane. Of course, if there were such a thing, (is there such a thing?) I would probably sleep through it because I was dead most likely because when they said evacuate, I was asleep and my house got blown to kingdom come and I either died in the process or I ended up in OZ...  YEs, this is how tired I am.

I have now missed my Thursday night shows as well as my Sunday night shows.  I have them on DVR but I'm supposed to be cancelling my time warner tomorrow or Tuesday so I need to get to watching or get to downloading.

SO last week I think I pulled 42 hours meaning 2 of them overtime (I did a happy dance)  This week, I managed to hit 46 hours.  As an insider.  Which means that those six GLORIOUS hours of overtime were at roughly $12 an hours. A little over seventy seven dollars.  All I can say is, I wasn't going to buy a new TV, but now I'm going to buy a new TV so I can follow through with giving the girls the big ones and having a flat screen in my room as well as the living room.  Also, I thought about getting it wall mounted in my room and using it as my computer screen as well, but nah, I like having my computer and my TV separate.  That way, I can blog while watching tv or in most cases, blog while the TV watches me.  Hell I do most of my stuff with the TV watching me instead of me watching it.

So I got my smart watch today.  It was $100 cheaper if I attached it to my account and got it as another line so now I have two phone numbers technically although when the thing is paired to my phone I don't actually think the calls directly to the watch come through.  I still have to play with it to see.  And play with it I shall!  It's not really a bother to wear either, I'm used to wearing big watches.  I haven't actually worn a watch in the past.... five years or so (I used to wear one when I worked at Michaels because I HAD to know what time it was and if I was caught pulling out my cell phone it was a long lecture I would rather not ever hear again.) When I quit that job, I stopped wearing a watch.  But I always wore big mens watches anyway so the screen on the smart watch isn't really a hindrance.  I'm also going to be honest here, I think only dainty petite women wear ladies watches.  I mean come on!  A face THAT small?!?!?  Who do they think is going to be looking that hard?  Certainly not me.  If I need to see the time I literally want to glance at my watch, not pull out my bifocals (I DO NOT WEAR BIFOCALS) just to see the time.

So, do I look tired?  I think I do.  Well actually if I didn't know my looks, i would pin the look in that photo as I really couldn't give a crap if the world came to a shuttering stop right now.  Ignore the pile of clothes behind me.  I plan to clean my room tomorrow.

What else?

Ah, a random thought that is circling my head and has been for a few days.  It is entirely way too easy to grow feelings for some people.  I mean it.  There's really not much more I can elaborate on the subject but it's true.  Some people are just way to easy to fall for.  And Why does fate allow this to happen?  IT's not fair.

The guy I've been chatting with on Tinder was in town  for a few hours tonight and I actually wanted to go up to the truck yard to meet him in person but after the identity crisis Howies went through this afternoon/tonight I knew there was no way I was walking at at 930 tonight.  And I told him and he wasn't mad.  Partly because he had to be up and puling out of the lot at 2 am (Which is roughly one hour and 27 minutes from now.)  HE's a nice guy.  HE has an obsession with pretty underwear though.  And if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what it is since When I go to Lane Bryant and Avenue's online store, they don't even bother to show me real clothes anymore, they just go ahead and load the lingerie section.  They know I'm not going anywhere else.  So he an I might just really get along later in the future.  He likes to look at girls in pretty underwear, I like to wear pretty underwear.  I am currently obsessed with finding a pair of black polka dot panties to go with the bra I just bought.  Shut up.  I DO NOT want to hear you say it.

I should go to bed.  I should really go to bed.  I think I am going to take my meds and go to bed so that my burning arms can wake me up at 630.  I tell you my arms beat any alarm clock on earth.  Six thirty to six 45 EVERY DAMN MORNING they wake me up.  I got it twice this morning and once at work though I think I managed to hide the burning attack at work pretty well.  That or either no one cared that I was actually in tears at one point or they just chose not to ask.  I would rather think I hid it very well.

So Pizza Delivery complaint #101.  If you order pizza, can you make sure that your address is a findable one?  Not everyone has GPS that will take us straight to your front door.  And some of us have GPS that tell us we're right there when we're a block away because Google maps likes to do that shit sometimes (It also likes to give me all of my directions as if I am walking but whatevs...)  If you don't have numbers on your mailbox or your house, please don't be mad if by the time we find you the first time, we're in a slightly bad mood because chances are we may have had to lug your dinner to another house for them to tell us which house you are.  NUmbers people.  Also... LIGHT!  Turn your freaking light on!!  Let me tell you, there is nothing I like more than being out in what i like to refer to as Pickanigger country (Those areas where all you have is one house a a WHOLE LOTTA land and no one to hear your ass scream) and pulling up to your house only to find that your house is a) in the effing woods surrounded by eerie as hell looking trees. B) dark as hell and C) (My all time favorite) ringing the doorbell while standing on your step in the dark and the trees and hearing five million dogs that sound like they are the size of mountains start barking the second I make a sound out there.  One of these day, I am seriously going to just drop the damn pizzas and run for my life.  No I won't.

...And I just took a ten minute break from writing this.  My hands were bad.  DId I mention this is getting on my nerves?  Sigh.  I'm going to bed.  Blog ya later.

My advice for tonight: Don't sweat the petty things, Pet the sweaty things.  Especially if they have no shirt on and have pec for days. (really?  You thought I was going to keep that above board??  Go stand in the corner!)

NIght peoples!!

MUWAH!!