Navy Numa Numa

Holy rusted metal, Batman!

Did you ever have one of those days where your skin was the only thing keeping you from spiraling off in a million different directions?  I think I am having one of those nights.  I want to jump up and down, I want to go to the corner store and buy a soda (although in retrospect I'm thinking that might not be such a good idea), I want to do cartwheels, I want to just move.

And not move in the terms I have been jabbering on all week about.  Move in the terms that I live three freaking blocks from the beach and a late night run in the sand and surf giggling like a crazy person might just come close to fixing the situation.

I really shouldn't have broken in the new coffee mug with actual coffee...  That stuff I get and grind at the commissary is powerful stuff Kemosabe.  Might be the espresso beans I ground up in there.  I really should have remembered those before I brewed the coffee and had two cups....

Gah!!

Stop laughing!  I know you are laughing.  Manky I know you are rolling off your chair right now, Andi, I just KNOW you are sitting there going "the girl has lost it, she's finally lost it!"  Clue for you chickadee, can't lose what you pawned off eons ago!!  LOL!!  You love me!!  Sneeze, you are probably shaking your head and telling lilttle one that Ms. Dette has broken out of the looney house again.

Seriously, i want a soda.

I think I am going through Greys anatomy and Desperate housewives withdrawal.  Lifetime whacked up the schedule so that now DH comes on at ten-one, GA is 1-4 and WS is 4-7.

Aside:  My downsairs neighbor is playing that song that has the beat that repeats over and over and over and over and over again and I am tapping my toe to it and I don't want to tap my toe to it.

I feel like Blanche in that Golden girls episode where she has insomnia and stays up and writes that novel that she thinks is award winning and basically it's just sunshine and rainbows on clear cloudy days...  That kind of crap.  I am so going to look at this tomorrow and be like Dude, WTF?

Oh wow, only ten minutes of the boom boom boom.  We're getting it down to a science.  It's like they know just how many minutes it takes to get me to the brink of insanity and they turn it off.  Haha Fooled them I passed the brink of insanity about a month ago!  HAHAHAHA!

OMG  Someone shoot me!!  Okay, I'm going to finish playing Evony now.  Well you can't really finish you just keep going anf going and going and going.  Yeah it's like that...

Dude, Single and blogging is having a skitzo moment...

Final Days...

So this morning I got out of the car at work and my boss walked up to the door with me.  I said "Good morning." but the response I got was "Are you still leaving?"  I gave a firm yes and I could almost hear the iron door on my good day shut tight.

It wasn't a bad day, per se, but it was the kind of day where you're in a conflict and one person in said conflict has just realized that no matter how much they baited and goaded, they've lost.  Lost with the kind of splat that a pie makes when it hits someone in the face on television.  We chatted but like the last few weeks' worth of conversations, I kinda felt that it was very stilted.  Two players on a stage kind of thing.  My artsy fartsy kinda readers should understand that.  This last month has really felt like a bad B rated stage play. IDK work used to be my sanctuary.  I used to go in and just know that it was going to be a good day.  I was going to be happy.  Then suddenly like a lot of things in my life lately, the whole axis just tilted and I could take it or leave it.  My AM, she started picking and choosing what days she was going to be nice and which days she was going to snip and snap at me to the point where internally I wanted to pull her throat out through her ears.  My relationships with my coworkers is the same.  Some days we all laugh and joke around and other days it's like "why are you even walking up my aisle??"  One of the guys used t laugh and joke with me and then his humor suddenly turned nasty and downright mean.  I don't get the supposed Ghetto humor but oh well.  My actual boss and I hit a plateau and that's where we are now.  In that horrible b rated stage play each of us dancing neither of us giving the final line.

I don't care anymore.  I can take it or I can leave it.  This can get read and I can get fired tomorrow for saying anything about my job although I didn't mention names of call anyone anything and it honestly wouldn't make a ripple in my pond because I realized something a few days back.  Dammit I've been in retail for sixteen years.  I may not count cash and do markdowns with the speed and accuracy that certain people expect from me, but very few people can whittle down a line of customers like I can.  I am a pro on most registers and I can do it with a smile and not have pissed off customers when all is said and done.  I don't need a recommendation or a transfer. I can walk into almost any retail store and ask and probably get a job .  I think if I am going to stay in retail when i get to Charlotte, then I would like to work in a boutique where it's just the manager and myself.  I wouldn't mind being a photographers assistant either.  I have so many interests it's hard to know which one I would like to turn into a career.  BUt I figure if I hold my faith, the path I am supposed to take will glow.

I am going to miss my friends.  For a long time, they have seemed like the wind that helped spin my world and I realize now that some of them weren't the wind.  Some of them were the base my world sat on.  And that was wrong.  I got to a place where I depended on my friends to include me in the things they were doing and it didn't dawn on me that not only did I not belong with them sometimes, I had spent my life being such a wallflower that they began to assume that I wouldn't want to be involved.  It was my fault and I apologize if anyone reading this ever thought that I was attacking them in my hurt at being left out.  I am not apologizing fror the being hurt, just apologizing for the way I handled that hurt.

I have a little over a month before I leave New Jersey.  The old me would have expected my friends to rush in trying to spend that last minute with me but the new and improved me knows that they won't.  My good friends, the ones that have put up with my mood swings and everything that comes with them, might want to spend a day with me and that is fine I will take it and I will smile and I will laugh and I will have a good time and at the end I will probably cry.
One thing I would like to do before I leave... I would like to have a night in the city.  I want to go to a club or a bar in NYC and dance and drink and have the absolute time of my life.  If I could I would like to get dressed up and for once, for once look like I am thirty and flirty.  I know it'll never happen mainly because most of my friend don't like the city and hmmm what am I forgetting?  Oh yeah!  I own nothing that makes me look thirty and flirty.  Well I do have the dress and thanks to Andi I have the support so I can wear the dress, but I don't have any place to wear the dress.

Enough lamenting and wishing.  I have somewhere to be soon so oh well... 

Wonder where I can get a countdown widget for my facebook...

Single and blogging is feeling a bit wistful...

Promise me...

Promise me that when I have given up on you and walked away without once thinking of you, you'll sit and wonder why...

Promise me that you'll remember all the times you went and partied on, forgetting me and then telling me "you should have been there" and you'll feel as bad as I did sitting...

Promise me that when you see pictures of me havign fun with friends that care about me you think about how I tried to be the spotlight dancer but you stole it all away...

Promise me that you remember how you called me a wallflower because I didn't like your music or your games and chose to sit quietly contemplating the fact that every move you made made me feel like I wasn't worthy and why was I there...

Promise me that while you are out there going on random date with girls who giggle and snort, girls who demand and don't give, that the "wallflower" was maybe the woman that could have been the one but she was too ladylike to make the first move.

Promise me that you won't waste your breath saying "we should have spent more time together" after I've gone. 

Yes after I've gone and left you, promise me that you'll remember that I was a much better friend to you than you than you were to me and that I am totally justified in walking away without giving you the first thought I sat and wished you had given me.

I would say something crude but I just can't  so all I'll say is... promise me...

Promise me...

When I'm gone...

When I've left...

Promise me...

migraines....

I sometimes sit and wonder who came up with the name of so and so... and I wonder myself into a headache or i go to Google and solve the question but this time I don't even want to know or why they call a migraine a migraine.  I just want to know the ultimate cure for it short of cutting your own head off or drowning your brain in alcohol.

I mean Why would God give man a pain like this???  It's excruciating!  I think this is one of those long reaching punishments for what that dapple headed dolt, Eve, did...  Man if I had a time machine...

Anyway, So I went to a BBQ today.  I sat in the car in the ehat and read and read and read and thenwalked to the store and came back to the car and read.  I'm a shade darker and my migraine isn't any better but you know what?  The pain reminds me that I am alive and I have days and days and days more of this rythmic pounding and stiffling pressure to look forward to!



So I'm going to go play with my sims until my excedrin kicks in... So if you don't hear from me for a few days just know that more than likely I am fine and my inner bitch hasn't broken free and killed someone.  I promise to come back and blog about playtime with the natives soon...

Single and blogging is in pain people!!

uhmmm...

Okay, so as was evident, yesterday I was just alittle bit pissed off...

Here's the thing... There are a few states in this blessed union that have a law that not many people know about.  IN those wonderful states, a woman cannot be held responsible for acts committed when she is in a womanly way... all I can say is, that asshole better be lucky that I had no viable weapon near me yesterday.

SO I have calmed down a bit, I went to the store last night and after careful consideration of the abundant chocolate aisle they have, I chose a tasteful bag of almonds...

I so want chocolate but it's not going to help and I know that...

See and you didn't think I was going t let the rational thinking part of my brain go free ever did you?

I kinda think of it like this.  If I give in and eat chocolate, then I wont stop and I'll get fat again and then the only man I'll be able to get is some fat country hick that's spent his life being called Bubba and his only ambition is to work in some factory.  Call me a snob, I don't care I want a man that I want to look at. 

And call me a racist snob because honestly, I think I'm done with black men altogether.  I don't see what the big deal is.  I lived with one for almost ten years.  They are absurdly attached to their mothers, they make up horrible nicknames for their women and nine out of ten of them wouldn't know how to treat a good woman if he had Respect for Dummies sitting in front of him.

I am not going to make this long.  I do however want to issue an apology to the people that ignored the foul language warning and read the blog anyway. 

Single and blogging is busy today.

Fuck him!

I am warning all who tread this dangerous path right now.  This is a rant.  There will be cussing, there will be man bashing, there will be threats.  Read it if you want to and if you have a weak stomach or a fragile constitution GET THE FUCK OFF NOW!

So yesterday the water company turned off the water to the house (four apartments)  We didn't know why.  So we (my downstairs neighbor and I) started calling the landlord to find out what was going on.  Like usual, he wouldn't pick up his phone.  So I texted him to please call Nikki or me and let us know whats going on.  A half hour later I got a text that said BE ON SOON.  I said OK.  Two and a half hours later, we still had no water.  So we called him, separately, to find out if shortly had a time.  As per his usual, he didn't pick up his phone.  So I called the water company to find out if they had a time.  That is all I wanted to know.  They told me that because he made the payment after 3, it would be on by 7:30 the next morning.  Apparently he has a friend at the water company that turned the water on.  Problem was he didn't see the need to maybe call or text anyone sitting here with kids to tell them that he had someone on it.  He simply left it at the shortly from hours before. 

We couldn't even flush the fucking toilet!!  Who in the hell wants to go to the bathroom and go on top of someone else's shit?!?  No one.  I called the company to simply ask when, that's all.  The woman offered up all his information to me telling me it was a payment problem and whatnot.  She then told me that if I had him call they could turn it on immediately.  There was a 100 dollar reconnection charge that he was going to have to pay anyway but they would just apply it to the next bill.  I tried to get him to tell him this but again, he wouldn't pick up his phone.  Instead I called the former handyman who is/was a friend of his and asked him if he could get in touch with Sko and he said just go around back to his mother.  So I did and I told her what the water company said to me.  She said to call them for her.  I did.  They told her it was going to be 100 dollars.  He hadn't bothered to call her so she told them charge it and turn the water on.

No sooner had I hit END on the call did the water come on. 

So Sko is mad because his mom told them to charge the hundred dollars (which I might point out the water company told me he was going to have to pay anyway) and he got charged even though he had a hookup fix the problem.

The problem in the whole equation is that he is horrible at communication.  He stood there and yelled at me telling me that I had no right to go over his head.  If that pansy ass wanna be a baller motherfucker would take his swelled head out from between his his own fucking legs and stop puffing his ego by giving his own blow fucking jobs, he would see that I didn't go over his head.  I only called to get information.

Then that pissant shithead is going to stand there and tell me that he is the best landlord I am ever going to have?!?!?  Fuck him!!! Daffy fucking duck would make a better landlord.  So then we covered the communication issue.

I told him about when I was trapped up here with no heat in the middle of a fucking blizzard.  HE said he came and fixed it that day, I said yes but I had to call him for six hours first.  is response was I should leave a message and just wait.   HE will get on it when he can.  WTF?  No sorry that is more than the abbreviation WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?  If he listened to the mesage I was asking him to please call me or text me and talk to me.

Then he says I shouldn't call over and over because problems like that aren't even that major...  I reiterate, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?  In what universe is being in a blizzard with three children NOT  THAT MAJOR?!?!? 

His thing is unlike everyone else I know he isn't sitting by the phone waiting for me to call.  First off, motherfucker don't go assuming anything about anyone I know.  Second off, I don't expect him to be sitting by the phone but having someone else to call when we have an emergency (and again am I wrong in thinking that no heat in the middle of a blizzard/ or no water on the hottest day of the year with kids is an emergency?!?!?) who can get to him to let him know something is wrong here would be nice.  Thirdly, fuck it, no heat/no water is a fucking emergency!!

I am so fucking tempted to do a midnight move and a drive by throwing my keys at his house attached to a brick.  He is such a fucking prick!

Did you know that this asshole can't even be bothered to update my lease every year???  My fucking lease still says 11/01/2007.  There has been no amendment to say I'm still lilting here.  There's even an end date of 11/01/2008 still on the lease.  Yes that right, I have been here for almost two years with no actual legal lease.  Knowing his foul slumlord ass, he's going to use that to bilk me out of my security deposit. 

I hate him, I fucking hate him.  If I had a car that I could customize, I would attach spikes to the front of the car and run him down.  Then I would back up and run him over.  Then I'd castrate him and put piece of him up for auction as a Cannibal version of Ebay. (In my mind this site would probably be named something like IEat.  Bear with me, I'm running on flames of fuel)

I am so fucking mad right now, bloggers.  You just don't know.  And the worse part is rage is clouding the better judgment part of my brain.  IF the better judgment part was active and free, there wouldn't be so many cusses or any threats because I know this is the world wide web and what you say always come back to you but damn it, I've locked up the rational part of my brain and it's being guarded by the same guards that were responsible for the beating of the Iraqi war criminals.

So fuck it.

You know fuck is a very underestimated word.  The more I say it, the more rage is released.

Single and blogging is pissed off.

A day in the sunshine and rain...

So first off, the usual: I'm sorry for being a half ass blogger. (I really think that I say that so much that it may be getting old...) The second thing, Happy Memorial Day, everyone.  Not that I want that to sound like I don't care.  I do care.  I mean I spent ten years as a military wife but to tell you the truth I don't feel that the servicemen and women who are fighting to protect people who don't want our help to further the plans of an asshole that beurocratic idiots put in office...  sorry got off track.  Didn't mean to attack anyone... I just really didn't like Bush...

So the kids got back yesterday night and we kinda kicked it in the house.  They had to clean their rooms cause OMG they were trashed.  Randy and I discussed taking the kids to see Shrek: Forever After and imagine my surprise when I was informed that not only do I get to take the kids to see a movie that I actually want to see, he was going to give money for the trip!!!  Sometimes, just sometimes the man can be awesome. (If you tell him I said that,  you have to die)

So I got up and I basically played the SIMS all morning since my body clock is completely against me sleeping past eight am now.  I didn't tell the kids where we were going, I just told them to get dressed then for extra giggles I had them kill time for a couple more hours.

So finally I told them to get ready and go get in the car.  First off had to go to the drug store cause I am so not the mom that buys movie theatre candy.  Then we got to the mall and I got them lunch, chick-fil-a and while they ate I went to go retrieve the tickets from Fandango.

Finished eating and went into the theatre.  The kids were near bouncing at this point because not only were we going to see Shrek, DUDE!  we were going to see Shrek in three effing d.  How cool is that???  Got good seats too.  I picked a showing that I figured wouldn't be crowded and I was right.  We were at the top of the theatre.

Side note: OMG!!! Shrek 4 in 3-D is effing awesome, I would pay to see that again!!

After the movie, we went walking the mall, mainly to payless where I found the shoes I need to get Olivia and Jovaughn.  Kayla will have to get hers from Zappos.com cause she got the really wide foot in the family...

So then we walked back to the food court for dinner (So loving today right now because it at no time included me being in the same room as my stove) and it was pouring so we then went to Barnes and Noblle.

Stayed there for about an hour till the rain stopped then on the way home I decided that I still needed to run out the gas in the rental car so I envoked the ancient right of moms everywhere which was dazzling her kids by a long ass drive to basically nowhere.

We drove the coast.  It's amazing... you can basically drive the coast until you get to mannesquan and then you are in town.  Can't find the ocean.  Made a few right turns came back to the shore and came hoome.  Have to return the car tomorrow.

It's been fun.

Had a very good day.  Got hooked on a game called Evony... Think I found a new obsession...  great...

okay, goodnight!  Single and blogging is tired but has a terrific day!

Sooo sorry....

Yeah, I know, I suck at this keeping everyone informed thing.  But in my defense I sat down yesterday to do this and all hell broke loose.  The short of the matter is that my son stole $200 dollars from me

It started out a decent day.  I got up and my wallet was open and my mastercard was on the floor and my PNC bank card was missing.  I asked the kids to help me find it and then Jovaughn went straight to the kitchen and found it under the microwave.

I admit, it didn't cross my mind that Jovaughn would do what the first sign pointed to him doing.  I honestly thought no more on it

Until two thirty when I went to check my bank account.  Instead of the couple hundred I was supposed to have to pay my light bill and the credit check fee for the house I am trying to get.  My first thought was to the fact that my wallet had clearly been rifled through and I started freaking out because of course, I thought someone had been in my house.  After I called the bank however, my thoughts started to skew don the path that they should have gone down in the first place but at the same time the path that you hope and pray to every God you know that you never have to travel.  The woman said they were ATM transaction with my pin number.  There's only two people in my house that kow my pin number and that's Jovaughn and myself.  Another step down the path.

I thought it over, I talk with my neighbor downstairs and then Jovaughn dropped a bombshell on me.  He said he heard footprints downstairs in the living room when he got up to go to the bathroom at three am.  Of course now I'm totally freaked out.  a half hour later though, it dawned me me, kids gotta be lying...I have a brand new Sony Vaio and a 32 in flat screen LCD. (Please don't think I am bragging I am just trying to make a point) and all that was taken was my ATM card and even that was returned.  Then there was the fact that he didn't wake me.  He didn't wake me or call the cops, or anything.

An hour after that I went up to his room to see if i could find the money and he tells me that his room was a mess because the person that was in the house the night before robbing me (Wait is it robbing me really if they returned the card??) had ransacked his room.

So let's add up the tale now.  There was a person in my house.  He left the TV and the computer, and the TV that is sitting next to the good TV, and the DVD player.  He took my card out of my wallet and returned it and at some point the person was in my sons room.

Never mind how he got in, because my door makes a really loud sound rubbing the frame right now because the house settled and the door didn't.  Person didn't come through the door. they had to go through the kitchen women and down onto my neighbors porch outside her bedroom.  'Nuff said.

So skip forward a few minutes, I am on the phone with his father and he now has a description of the "person" that was in our apartment.  He was , and I quote, "About so tall, and brown like us."  (Wow that really narrows it down now, huh.  APB out on the brown guy about so tall!)

Around this time I was more than convinced he was lying.  I told him that if I got the police involved and told them I wanted the cameras from the ATM, and found out that it was him I was going to send him to JV.  Two minutes later $20 was mysteriously found in Olivia's pocket.  Five minutes after that, I found $20 in Kayla's pocket.  While on the phone with Randy they found $60. (Keeping track?)

The next few hours are a bit of a blur.  I admit I did what no mother should ever do, I blacked out and went crazy.  After I finished I was afraid for what I had done but it couldn't be helped.  Randy showed up about one am and bedded down.

He got up this morning to talk to Jovaughn and I don't know what was said but Jovaughn's story about why he took my money was he took my card to go to the ATM so that he could get money for a haircut and i would have money to get to work.  But on his way out of Rite-Aid, he says five girls beat him up for the money so then he turned went back to the ATM and got another hundred.  But here's the kicker, he still didn't give that to me. 

So Randy took him to the police station and they've filled out a police report and they are going to pull the surveillance tapes from the store and if the boy is lying, Randy's name is on the police report.  It will go down as filing a false police report randy will get in trouble, lose his security clearance and is job.  I will lose my clearance with money and won't be any good to the retail community and be out of a job.  He, I'm not sure he'll live.

I'm so hurt right now, readers, I don't know what to do.  I think I am just going to do what everyone says and take it one day at a time.

Did I ever mention FML!!!!!!!

Single and blogging is done...

No longer feel like I can do this...

So this is a work blog.  I walked in this morning to find about two weeks worth of daily envelopes on my desk with post it notes and stuff that was missing.  Two of the bags were missing deposit verification forms that are no where to be found and I'll be damned if i got rooting through trash that is probably in the big dumpster out back by now if not in a landfill somewhere.  The others had come in today and two of them hadn't been sent yet.

Then there was a paper I put in the desk that I had put in the wrong bag.  The woman (I refuse to say her name because I just know that I have an anonymous reader that is going to report names back to someone else.) couldn't just slip it into the bag that she had already put on the desk?? 

So my boss calls or the manager calls her IDK which one and boss wants to talk to me and says that little she has been telling her (I know it's confusing but try to keep up) that there's stuff that I haven't been doing.  Boss tells me that I have been doing this job for far too long to be making these mistakes.  So I went and found all the dates that she says I'm fucking up and guess what.  The days that it was me, it's not my fault because it was something I didn't do but couldn't do because she sent me home early.  And the days that I didn't do what she's claiming I didn't do are not even my days.  Hehe, I have it all proven that she's purposefully aiming for my back and not doing it subtlely.

So while I should be crowing at my pending probable victory, I am really stressing because if I have to spend my time covering my ass from someone like that at my workplace, is this really the right place for me?  I don't even feel like my job is safe and someplace I should be right now.

 My job used to be my refuge.  The place I could go to talk to other grown up human beings.  It's like that Old Madonna song from A league of their own... This Used to be My Playground... Have you ever heard that one?  Work used to be my playground.  Now it's my battleground and I need to take a minute and think about is what I make for the hours I am allowed to work is worth the stress and the medical problems I have because of it.

This is going to take some deep thought and as much as I hate to ask, I think I am going to have to turn to the one constant never ending source of love and support that I have always been able to turn to, my friends.

Should I stay and just suck it up, or should I finally let go and let my playground rust away like so many other escapes I have had in my life.

Single and blogging is confused... so confused...